How to write a breakup letter in 7 steps

For most relationships, breaking up in person is the most appropriate and respectful way to go. If it has been a long-term relationship and you can express yourself freely with your partner, you should show him the courtesy and respect of breaking up face to face.

However, circumstances sometimes dictate that the break be made in writing. For example, a breakup letter might be appropriate if:

  • Your partner tends to behave violently or participate in situations of physical or verbal abuse.
  • Your partner did something to violate you or betray your trust (like cheating) and you no longer want to interact with them.
  • You tried to break up in the past and your partner refuses to listen or let you speak freely.
  • Your partner refuses to meet you or take your calls
  • It’s a long distance relationship and you can’t see or call them

Things to consider …

If you are considering writing a breakup letter because you lack the courage to face them, try to muster the willpower to do it in person. As long as the situation is not threatening, it is the best way to do it. Although it is difficult to deliver bad news and make someone angry or cry, it can seem disrespectful and avoidant to write it down instead.

However, if you’ve been avoiding breaking up because you’re dreading the face-to-face meeting, stop delaying it and write them down! It’s best to break it up ASAP, even if it means via letter or email, so both of you can get on with your lives. Some people spend months or even years avoid a break out of fear; Get it in writing if that’s the only way you can!

Also, if you have trouble expressing yourself in person, you may want to write a breakup letter and then give it to your partner while you are with him or her; there is nothing wrong with that.

I should point out that while email tends to seem less personal, it is sometimes the best option if time or distance is an issue.

How to write a “Dear John” or “Dear Jane” letter:

Step 1: Why am I writing?

After your “Dear [Partner], “Explain that you regret not being able to speak face-to-face, but circumstances made it necessary. You may want to let them know why you were unable to cope. For example, if you are afraid of a backlash, if you feel too guilty, or simply you don’t want to see them ever again, say so. Tell them you know they will want to hear this information as soon as possible, and this is the best way to do it.

Step 2: Why am I going ahead

Tell them that you have decided to end the relationship. You may want to explain why, or it may be obvious to both of you (eg cheating). Focus on yourself and how you feel, and try not to dwell on your ex’s faults.

If there is no clear reason, you can say that although you appreciate their positive qualities, the relationship is not working for you. Express that you’ve enjoyed your time together, but now you know it’s time to move on. Let them know that you will have good memories (if true).

Step 3: “Get help”

If your relationship was disrupted by your ex-partner’s unhealthy behavior (eg, cheating, substance abuse, violence), you may want to express how that affected you. You can advise them to get help and wish them to recover. Repeat that you know it is time to move on and that even if he or she changes for the better, your decision remains.

Step 4: Possibly friends?

Although I don’t recommend bringing up friendship, if you want to stay open to the possibility of friendship, you can. Usually this isn’t a good idea, but it’s okay sometimes, especially when you were friends first. You can let them know that you both need time to heal, but there is the possibility of a future friendship.

Step 5: your decision is final

If you don’t want to withhold any chance of getting back together, tell them that you are confident about their decision to separate and ask them to respect you. If you do not wish to hear from them again, please inform them that calls, visits and correspondence are not Welcome. Remind them that you don’t want to spend any more time discussing what went wrong and moving on with your life.

Step 6: Apologize

If you did something to hurt your ex, especially if you cheated on or lied to, apologize as sincerely as possible. However, as advice columnist Dan Savage puts it, “All relationships fail until you fail,” so don’t blame yourself simply because your relationship didn’t “succeed.”

Step 7: “All the best …”

Wish your partner the best. If you want, you can let them know that they will contact you at a certain email address in the future, but remind them that now is the time to heal. Although it may be difficult, avoid ending the letter with “Love, [Your name]. “

Remember: Focus on the task at hand: Ending the relationship, not analyze it. Also, avoid mentioning that you love them, even if it’s true. Mentioning your love for them will only confuse them and give them hope, so avoid it.

Finally, If you are a man in an unhealthy relationship and have a hard time leaving, or you know such a man, check out my breakup manual for men who feel stuck. For female readers, if you know a man who is stuck with a clingy, overly jealous, or unstable woman, visit my site and see if the e-book is right for him.

About the author

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *