My husband says he is not happy and wants space, but I want him back

Unfortunately, the women who visit my blog have one thing in common: serious problems are brewing in their marriages. Either your husbands have just started a divorce, have applied for a space, or have indicated that they are simply unhappy and need “a break.” This is a difficult position to be in if you want to save your marriage. You are often at a disadvantage because often the husband has made a decision and is unwilling or unable to be honest about what needs to happen to change this. He often gives you vague statements like “I’m not happy”, “I just need time for myself”, “I’m not sure I want to get married anymore” or “It’s not you, it’s me.”

These things don’t really tell you anything or offer any roadmap. Therefore, you will often have to do a little detective work on your own and try different tactics to change this. In this article, I’ll explain the best way to handle a situation where a husband is thinking about or wants to leave, but you want him to stay.

Deciphering their saying “it’s just not happy”: Men are notoriously bad communicators. Often this is due to the fact that they are not very good at first, interpreting what they feel, and secondly communicating that to you. So when your husband tells you that he is “just not happy,” he is not necessarily lying or trying to be evasive. Often times, you cannot pinpoint exactly what is causing your so-called distress.

Sometimes her unhappiness has less to do with you and more to do with external factors such as her job, her responsibilities, and the fact that she is getting older and that life as she imagined it has not been what she expected. You can’t control any of these things, of course. But feeling loved, understood, supported, appreciated, and desired goes a long way in helping a man weather these storms. When your marriage loses its sense of intimacy and closeness, these external things are magnified and you often feel lonely and drifting in a sea of ​​disappointment.

It is very important that you understand this. You don’t want to come off as someone who thinks they are being “selfish,” “self-centered,” or “wrong.” Instead, she wants to appear like the loving wife who wants her husband to be happy and fulfilled and who wants to help him achieve it. If you can see him as someone who is scared, emotionally vulnerable and frustrated instead of someone who is doing something unpleasant to you, your job will be easier, because you will be able to approach this problem with empathy and your interactions. with her husband will reflect this.

Deciphering your “wish space”: Often times when a husband says he just needs space or wants some time to himself, what he is really saying is that he wants time to think without distractions or debate with him, trying to gauge where his head and heart are. , or trying to make you feel guilty. He thinks silence and distance will help him see the situation more rationally and without the distraction of having to look at you and interact with you. Often, he hopes that the answers are clear or that he misses you and this will indicate that some feelings are still there. All of these things can be very good (whether you feel that way right now or not).

However, I suggest that you try, if you can, to get your husband to agree to occupy “this space” without having to leave. But, this requires you to commit to giving him the space without intruding or disturbing him. Sometimes you can offer to spend a few days with a friend. This will allow you to stay in your home, but still give you the distance you request.

Of course, don’t keep asking him what he is thinking or what he intends. Your job right now is to assure him that you want him to be happy, agree that the marriage needs work and tell him that you hope this space allows him to see that you are very willing to work with him to ensure his happiness, but that he is going to use this “rest” and “space” yourself.

The best scenario to change this situation and save the marriage: Ultimately what you want to happen is this. You want to appear like the wife who respects herself and her husband enough not to demean herself or disrespect him enough to act improperly. Give her the space she asks for, emphasize that you want her to be happy, but also reiterate that you think the two of you could still be very happy together.

At the end of the day, what most men really want in this situation is this: They are going through a difficult time right now, they feel a sense of loss because the marriage is not as intimate and fulfilling as it used to be, and they feel disappointed. and alone. Once upon a time, your love, care, affection, and understanding were a shield against life’s disappointments. But, as both of you have more and more responsibilities and time shortages, these things diminish. There is no blame to put here. It is very common and understandable.

However, to turn this around, you need to show your husband that despite what he thinks, the vibrant, loving, understanding and open heart that he once loved is still here, wants him to be happy, and wants to work with he. to return marriage to what it was.

You have to play this very convincingly and it often helps to make sure he knows that you are going to make the most of this “space”. To go out with your friends. Do things you’ve been putting off. Take it easy and put a smile on your face and make sure he knows it. Because eventually, he will get a glimpse of the woman he first fell in love with, and your calm understanding and new reactions will go a long way in communicating to him that things can change and that you are on his side.

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