“My husband wants space” is a common problem faced by couples in marriage. If you need help solving this problem, I hope these 3 steps I suggest will help you work things out with your husband and successfully save your marriage.
Step # 1: Clarify what your husband means by “space.”
It is very difficult to give your husband what he needs when you are not really sure what he wants to say. The word “space” is extremely vague. So the first thing you need to do is clarify what your definition of space means.
For example, does it mean:
- spend one night a week with your male friends?
- have a whole hour for him every night to do whatever he wants?
- Have a room that belongs to you and that is forbidden to everyone else?
- etc.
Ask your husband to be more specific, then listen carefully to what he says. Don’t do anything other than ask clarifying questions like, “Do you mean …?”
Your goal at this point should be to gather as much information as possible from your husband. Troubleshooting will come later.
Step # 2: Understand What Your Own Needs Are.
Now that you know what your husband means by “having more space,” you need to focus on what your own needs are. Being married means working as a team to meet the needs of both of you. But first you need to be clear about what this means!
Our needs naturally change as we go through different stages of our life. For example, you may need your husband to spend more time with you while you are pregnant, compared to the time in your life that you focus on your career.
So, be as specific as possible about how long you need from your husband to be happy.
For example:
- I need you to have a one-on-one dinner with me at least once a week.
- I need him to do at least one activity with the kids on the weekend.
- I need my husband to talk to me for 15 minutes every day.
If you’ve never thought about it before, it may take some time to be precise. That is perfectly fine. Start by guessing. You can modify this information as you go along.
Step # 3: Use the information you have gathered to negotiate with your husband.
Now that you know how much ‘space’ your husband wants and how much time you need him to spend with you, it’s time to negotiate.
Tell your husband that you would like him to have more space and that you are willing to negotiate with him.
- Show him the list you have made that contains what you need from him.
- Share your suggestions with him on how you can have “more space” and how you, too, can get what you need.
- Give him some time to consider your proposal and ask him to make some suggestions.
- Discuss together and come up with a win-win resolution that makes you both happy.
I sincerely hope that you will use these 3 steps to negotiate with your husband so that you can solve your problem of ‘My husband needs more space’ peacefully and effectively, to save your marriage. Effective communication and successful negotiation take time and practice. I wish you the best in your marriage!
