“Believe it and you can achieve it.” We have all heard it, we have seen it in others, but why is it so difficult to believe in ourselves?
I remember a scene from the movie “Pretty Woman” in which Julia Roberts tells Richard Gere, “Bad things are easier to believe. Did you notice that?” Her response struck a chord with me and I still struggle to find my self-esteem to this day.
Why is this true and, more importantly, what can we do about it?
In her fascinating TED TALK, “Getting Stuck in the Negatives,” Alison Ledgerwood demonstrates the results of a series of experiments that prove what we already knew instinctively. It’s easier to believe negative things.
That is not the end of the story. She further explains that it takes work to think more positively and it is possible to train yourself to be more positive and build her self-esteem.
Here are my top 10 proven actions that have helped me from some bad times to the most positive and productive periods of my life.
1. Every time you have a bad day. Ask yourself “What was good today?” You always get out of life what you focus on the most. If your focus is negative, you’ll get more of what you don’t want, but if you break the pattern with a single question and make an effort to focus on what you do want, you’re more likely to get it.
two. Set small achievable goals for yourself, but make sure you complete them! Inch by inch you will begin to feel more capable with each achievement.
3. Get ready to improve every aspect of your life by just 1%. Think about it. 1% improvement in every area of your life, every day, increases your motivation, drive, and achievement that automatically helps you believe in yourself.
Four. Take the time to wait. When you get stuck. STOP! Break the routine! Walking the dog! Go to dance! Out with friends! Navigation. Your favorite thing to do, she relaxes you and puts a smile on your face. For me it is to saddle my horses and hit the road! I learned a valuable lesson from a wonderful boss I had many years ago. He used to laugh at me when he stubbornly stayed up all night trying to solve a problem at work. He always told me to stop, go home and get a good night’s sleep. Inevitably, the next morning, I would find the solution within the first 5 minutes of starting work. Solving a problem quickly gives you more self-confidence and is sure to be better than struggling when you’re tired and telling yourself that you’re a “waste of space.”
5. Eat that frog! Mark Twain once wrote “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.” Brian Tracey used the quote as the title of his book to combat procrastination. The idea is, when you look at your to-do list, what is the task you least want to do? Do it first and get it out of the way, then you’ll feel uplifted and more relaxed. Your productivity will skyrocket for the rest of the day as will your self-esteem.
6. Tell your inner self to “SHUT UP!” In his highly entertaining motivational talks, Les Brown hilariously explains that you would never treat others the way we treat ourselves. When that little voice starts scolding you for how useless you are. Tell him to shut up! It is not what happens around you that prevents you from achieving your goals. They are just obstacles that you can go over, under or around. It is our self-destructive inner voice playing on our emotions that holds us back. Take a break.
7. Help others. There are very few things in life that give you such an instant boost in self-esteem as helping someone else. I like to help others, especially when I’m feeling down, it’s an instant change to the slippery slope of depression.
8. Acknowledge your abilities. Make a list of all the skills you are good at. I can’t think of anything. Ask your friends and family. What is it that everyone likes and admires about you? If your life is just an endless list of mistakes, maybe your courage is like life’s bumper dummy. Half the battle in life is avoiding pitfalls, and if you can help others in that regard, then your contribution is invaluable.
9. Face your fear. My favorite quote on this subject is from Oprah Winfrey “What you fear most has no power. Your fear is what has power. Facing the truth will truly set you free.” In my opinion and through my personal experience, facing your fear head-on will only make you stronger. Last year was the hardest year of my life. My beautiful 4 year old. eldest son was diagnosed with a rare and very aggressive form of leukemia. BUT despite the pain, the despair, the fears of losing him and the loneliness of being separated from my other son and my family. He would get me up every morning to go sit by his bed from dawn to midnight. It was hard, very hard, but now he is on the road to recovery and we have both come out of the experience much stronger and less fearful than before. Don’t let fear stop you. You have a lot to offer the world.
10 Do something you believe in. A sense of purpose is one of the most powerful ways to feel fulfilled. when you know why you’re doing something. Drive and motivation just flow effortlessly.
The most important message I want you to learn is to keep going. “When you rest you rust” No matter what happens to you in life don’t give up. Let go of the past, stop fighting it. It’s like hitting your head against a brick wall, only you get hurt. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Forgive those who have hurt you. Maybe you should thank them because they have made you more aware and stronger.
Get off the “Pity Potty.” Dust off your dreams and start living your life. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you. It will not be easy; if it was easy then everyone would be doing it. Success will be even sweeter, having worked hard and overcome all obstacles.
It took the horror of my son, leukemia, to snap me out of my “I’m not worth it” mentality. Since then, I have started a new business online, which allows me to have precious time to spend with my children and animals, financial freedom to buy a new house, and I can help other people realize their dreams.
What is your dream?
