Damn, I’m brave! After all, I have two bracelets that say I am, that people tell me I am all the time, I have children who think I am brave, but the morning I had to get on the bus I was not so sure. that was the case. However, I got on the hotel shuttle bus that would take my little sister and me to Tijuana to the clinic anyway. I had my brave face to her, but inside I was screaming “It’s Tijuana for the love of God, get off this shuttle while you can! I couldn’t tell if my sister was screaming the same thing inside her mind, but she was too scared of ask. So I sat down, held my sister’s hand and held back my tears. Something inside my head said, “You were the one who wanted an adventure, so here you go, an adventure in Tijuanan!” “Fuck you” whoever was occupying my brain.
As we rode to the border, I realized that my sister really is the brave one here, not me. She is calm, practical and, well, brave. I told myself to put on my big girl pants and be brave too, you are the big sister for crying out loud.
The clinic was not what I expected. The shuttle driver stopped in front of a large metal door, which read “Stay out” and honked. A little man ran out of a small hut, opened the door, and let this truck full of people in different stages of illness into a large round yard. The first thing you see is the big white building with its two-story wooden front door and a birdcage that was the size of my bathroom at home. This “bird cage” was home to 70 parakeets. I knew that there were 70 parakeets in that “cage” because the man who was in charge of bringing all the people their hospital gowns, was also the caretaker of the parakeets. While waiting for the results of his blood test, he could sit on this balcony and gaze out over the city of Tijuana. The air was surprisingly clean, and the sun was warm and as we sat on that balcony with the light breeze blowing, I knew my little sister was going to be fine. The doctors at this clinic had encouraged her to go ahead with the double mastectomy in addition to her toner and supplements, and that made me feel less like we were in for a scientific experience and my sister’s comment of “throw everything I can.” it made sense at the time.
In the end, Mexico was an interesting adventure. We laughed, walked 5 miles (well 4.5, but why be so technical) around the zoo and watched the elephants play, had lively discussions on traditional medicine versus holistic medicine and laughed some more. We were nosy and ventured into parts of the clinic that certainly weren’t allowed. In another life the clinic served as a drug dealer’s mansion and how we could NOT snoop and we are our mother’s daughters who were taught to snoop whenever possible. But most importantly, in those sunny hours waiting for blood tests, we agree to respect the opinions of others.
Through this short journey of having a sister with breast cancer, I have learned a few things. First, it is your journey, and you have the right to travel it in any way you see fit. It’s not my job to direct your journey, but to support you, and while it’s incredibly easy for me to write that down, it’s not that easy to practice. I found myself on a few occasions wanting to steer her past that bird cage, out of the gate, and away from Tijuana, but I had to correct myself. Second, I love my little sister more than anything and these days we had fun, there were no tears, there was good food, there was the zoo and, most importantly, there was a lot of laughs. I cannot predict the future, (although I had dreams on this trip that I was going to learn at school) this adventure will have lasting effects on me, and they will all be good. It was a time when two sisters had each other’s undivided attention, support, and love.
After a comedy of errors trying to return the rental car at 5:00 AM BEFORE THE COFFEE, we pulled into the airport shuttle line. We had just found out that we were on different shuttles and we had to say goodbye. I hugged my little sister with everything I had to telepathically send some kind of older sister protection and as I walked to my bus, I wiped a tear from my eyes. I felt like possibly my little sister is braver than me and I was finally able to complete a post without wiping my computer from tears.
