Anticipating the holidays without your loved one is often more difficult than the actual holiday season. The early years are often the hardest, but even many years later, pain and sadness surface during this season. As you experience those normal emotions of reminiscing about shared moments, you may want to skip the season entirely. While others are celebrating, you may feel like there is no joy in celebrating.
It can be challenging to get through the holiday season when one is heartbroken by the death of a loved one. This is a time to honor and remember our loved ones. It is also a time to remember our own needs, as we search for meaning and gratitude in our new life in the future. During this time, remember to be patient with yourself and be realistic with your expectations. As you grieve, do your best to soften that mental image of how things “should” be. As you celebrate the holiday season, listen to your heart and be careful not to overextend yourself.
Here are some suggestions to help you as you begin to blend old holiday traditions with new ones:
• Buy or make a new Christmas ornament or trinket. Place the new ornament or trinket next to your loved one’s favorite. Place it on your Christmas tree or in a special place in your home.
• If you usually decorate the tree in the living room, still decorate the tree, but perhaps place it in the study.
• If you had a special dinner on Christmas Day, perhaps have the special dinner on Christmas Eve instead, with a special place at the table in memory of your loved one.
• If you used to shop together for gifts, buy a gift in memory of your loved one and give it to someone else.
• Choose a favorite activity that your loved one has enjoyed, eg sports, baking, etc. Select a day during the holiday season that you will do this activity, even if it is an activity you have never participated in before.
• Be creative as you find your own unique ways to show your loved one tribute and gratitude for their own life, memories made, and lessons learned.
One activity I always suggest is doing something you’ve never done before, but maybe you’ve always wanted to do. Choose an activity that forces you out of your comfort zone while doing it. This will not only help you start new traditions, but it will increase your confidence and belief in yourself as you find meaning and gratitude in your new life.
