As you get older (year by year, if not faster), looking in the mirror, does your face match the image you have of yourself in your mind?
Many do not like to look in the mirror as they get older (40, 50, 60…). They would have preferred to stay young forever.
But although your face is changing, it may well be that you yourself are not: you continue to “do” life and relationships as up to now; you are moved by the same fears and needs that have driven you up to now; you apply the same self-sabotaging behaviors in your dating and relationships, the same ones that have caused you to fail in so many relationships.
So why do you continue with the same old behavior patterns? Why don’t you change while your face, and probably your body, changes?
The reason is simple: apparently you don’t have much control over your face and body. They progress along the regular path of nature, of maturity, which makes them change (often to their displeasure). But your emotions and behaviors could be, if you wish, under your control. They don’t change unless you choose to change them. They are constantly the same unless you realize that they may do you more harm than good in your dating and relationships and decide to make a change.
All of this means that no matter how old you are, the way you “do” relationships can be consistent over the years. If you are a controlling person, you continue to control your partners; if you are a manipulative person, you are still manipulative; if you are submissive, you remain submissive; and if you’re running away from being alone, you’ll keep “falling” whoever crosses your path, just so you won’t be alone.
The sad side of this story is that no matter how often those behaviors and tendencies of yours have hurt you and sabotaged your relationships, there seems to be no way you can run away from them. The reason is that running away from them is almost like running away from yourself. They have become an integral part of you; rooted in your emotions, attitudes, behaviors, found refuge in the subjective perception that you have developed towards yourself and towards your partners.
Why don’t you change if it’s you Who sabotages your relationships over and over again? The simple reason is that you are unconscious from the fact that you are to blame. You often find it easy to blame your partners (and/or external circumstances) instead of looking inward and taking responsibility.
No one likes to blame themselves, and if you’re like everyone else (even if you think you’re different), you wouldn’t want to blame yourself for the failure of your relationships either. Instead, you could think of a thousand and one reasons to fail: this partner was not the right one for you; the timing was not good; another partner had too many problems from the past and a third was too demanding, or too needy, or too who knows what!
All this could be true. But this is only part of the picture, part of the reasons why your relationships fail. One of the main reasons could be that you are responsible for the failure of your relationships. You see, as much as you think you want to have a nice and satisfying intimate relationship, you may not know how to develop and maintain one; that is what you are does not count of the fears, needs, attitudes, reactions and unhealthy behaviors that you bring with you to your relationships, which eventually cause them to fail.
In fact, admitting that this might be the case might not be easy. But how do you know that this is No the case – what are you No responsible for the failure of his relationships, as long as he has not taken a good look at himself, at his employers, at any fear and need that controls him and leads him, in one way or another, to hurt and sabotage his relationships. and again?
Looking in the mirror and seeing your face and body, even if you don’t like what you see over the years, is one thing. Look in the mirror and see your inner me it is much more difficult, but it can be much more important in the search for a fulfilling relationship.
So as you continue to strive to find a partner with whom you can develop serious, loving, and successful intimacy, the best thing you can do for yourself is to look within; become aware of whatever is causing you to fail and muster the courage to make the necessary changes. It is then that you will empower yourself to find a partner with whom to develop the relationship you expect.
