Pain, in the physical and psychological sense, is a fact of our lives, and sometimes it can feel like we spend more time dealing with and experiencing pain than living without pain. Admitting to ourselves and others that we are in pain requires breaking down barriers that most of us are not normally comfortable acknowledging or learning to deal with. Because of these issues, we often allow pain to go unchallenged, which can lead to the cultivation of even more pain as the sum total of our experiences grows throughout our lifetimes.
In many cases, we mask the pain we feel by outwardly expressing unacceptable or unwanted behaviors directed at others or at ourselves, at times. The pain within us hides behind a mask of our own making, but we always feel its presence. There are also several different ways that we mask our pain. One of them is in the cultivation of feelings of betrayal that we can’t seem to stop allowing to bubble up on the outermost surfaces of our psyche.
Naturally, once this feeling of betrayal makes an appearance in our conscious psyche, we begin to experience the need to betray, which in certain circumstances is a necessary “break” or abandonment of the nest. We see this when we begin to withdraw from mothers and fathers as we age and mature. This is a kind of rebellion against the old way of doing things and a step towards a new way of life for the person who “betrays” their parent(s). However, not resolving this betrayal can leave a person with unaddressed issues that can carry this inner trait of betrayal forward and project it into other relationships, such as with a spouse, an employer, or business associates, for example.
Loneliness, experienced within ourselves, is another way we mask our pain and hide it behind a construct that prevents those around us, or even ourselves, from seeing the pain for what it really is, and if it cannot be seen, can never be properly resolved. . In many cases, loneliness begins to occur when there is a sudden and possibly unwanted change in our objective reality or expectations for ourselves and others. When we don’t receive the love we expect in a relationship, for example, we begin to build a wall of physical and psychic pain.
Many people who report pain problems also demonstrate traits related to obsession or a zero-defect perfectionist mindset. They become overly attached to material possessions, including people they think “belong” to them. They have difficulty letting go of perceived slights and hurts and tend to obsess over the acquisition of material goods to a potentially damaging degree.
The old saying that “pride comes before the fall” is apt when it comes to describing a mask of pride worn to disguise inner pain. Pride is not true strength and will often hide feelings of inadequacy, especially when exhibited in inordinate amounts out of proportion to the deeds or actions performed by a person, which now demands that they be worthy of high praise. Some call it stubborn pride, for example.
Sometimes psychic pain has given a mask of anxiety in a person, which can manifest in actual physical problems, such as anxiety attacks or chest pain and the like. It will also show up as depression, which can also cause real physical problems in people, refusing to let go of hurt or anger, for example. They will often feel ashamed of themselves for what seems like no reason when viewed by a disinterested observer.
Lastly, people will often disguise pain through acts of betrayal beyond what is considered the normal kind we commit by leaving the nest to attack for themselves. Outward manifestations may include lying to others and oneself, punishing others for perceived slights, manipulating people, or seeking revenge for acts that may seem trivial to others.
