Missing an ex boyfriend is common after a breakup, even if you were the one who dumped him. While you certainly understand that, for whatever reason, you decided the relationship had no future at that point, the feelings you have for your ex boyfriend tend not to go away immediately just because you made the breakup official. Thinking “I broke up with my boyfriend and I miss him” can inevitably lead to the question “should I contact him to tell him how I feel?”.
remembering the good times
Right now, you are probably remembering the best qualities that your ex boyfriend possessed. Perhaps the two of you shared a very similar favorite hobby or way of thinking that brought you so close to each other. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. It’s natural to remember the best moments, because it’s those instances of perceived delight that you now miss having in your life; not the bad times.
As you adjust to your new single status, you’ll likely struggle with residual feelings of love, admiration, and respect for your ex-boyfriend, even if the two of you parted ways on relatively awful terms. He does it by simply putting more emphasis on his best qualities every time he enters his mind. He just remembers, the relationship wasn’t perfect, or it wouldn’t have ended. It stands to reason that your ex boyfriend wasn’t perfect either. Surely, there are so many things, if not more, about your ex-boyfriend that you remember that weren’t all that attractive to you, or you never would have broken up with him in the first place, right?
Was the breakup a mistake?
Sometimes, as you dig deeper into the circumstances surrounding the breakup between you and your ex boyfriend, you may start to realize or feel like it was all a big mistake. Maybe you two said some things that, at the time, neither of you really meant. Or maybe your boyfriend did or said something that, after the terrible day you were already having, he just snapped at you. Is it possible that everything gets out of control from there?
Of course, finding out exactly why you broke up with your boyfriend is a good idea, especially if you’re considering contacting him again right now. Analyzing a failed relationship allows you to learn from the mistakes you have made so that you can avoid them in the future. Similarly, you need to understand why you really miss your ex-boyfriend and why you even question whether or not you should contact him now. Look carefully at the relationship you had together to determine if you really miss him because you are still “very much in love with him” or if you just miss him and want to contact him for a lesser reason.
Should I contact him or not?
Whether or not you should contact your ex boyfriend after you broke up with him depends on several factors. If you’ve carefully reviewed the circumstances surrounding the breakup and have determined that it was a mistake, that you and your ex-boyfriend deserve another chance to make it work, then perhaps you should contact him. After all, you could sit back and hope he’ll make the first try, but keep in mind that he’s likely to be hurt by being rejected. He will most likely not contact you at all unless you give him at least some sign that you still have feelings for him and that the door is potentially open to reconciliation.
On the other hand, you have to be careful not to justify contacting your ex-boyfriend just to see how he’s doing, or worse, to gain an ego boost for yourself. Ask yourself, “Now that I’ve broken up with my boyfriend and I miss him, could it be that I feel lonely?” If so, unfortunately, the only real motivation for him to contact you is to boost his own self-confidence. Unfortunately, not only would that be insensitive of you, considering that he probably suffered a lot for rejecting him in the first place, but you could very well end up with the opposite result. He could completely ignore you, further damaging your sick ego. What would be the point in that, right?
So, you see, even if you broke up with him, you should only contact your ex-boyfriend after carefully considering why you feel that way about the breakup now, and what your real reasons are for contacting him.
