Many of us suffer from stress, anxiety, burnout, exhaustion and are desperate to escape this pattern. At the same time, we feel driven to push ourselves in our careers and at home, rarely spending time with ourselves or allowing ourselves the nurturing we need to truly thrive.
However, there is more, we often push so hard that we end up making things more difficult for ourselves than necessary. Sometimes all of our efforts to move forward are actually counterproductive and are actually making things worse. It could be that you have effectively created a ball and chain tied to your ankle, rather than the incredible future you want.
In our Western society, we are taught that action is the way to go, that if you want change, you must set goals, make plans, and then act.
All of this is, of course, absolutely true, and without goals, plans, and actions nothing will happen. However, there is another side to the coin that we often forget …
There is a universal law that says the more you push something, the more resistance you receive. Do you remember your physics lessons in school?
You may already know that I started my career as a conventional scientist, and I mean conventional ones … scanning electron microscopes, metallurgical grinders, mechanical testing machines, classrooms, research proposals, the works! My God, that was a long time ago!
I would have thought with such experience that I might have had some clue on this and could avoid this mistake. Unfortunately, if I’m honest, I was probably the worst example of this in the entire history of creation … or at least almost the worst.
Here is the problem. Let’s say we want a particular change in our lives – to get a new job, a new relationship, to lose weight – we set our goal and begin to use all the techniques and actions that we believe will achieve that result. Sounds perfect.
HOWEVER, here’s the problem. If you don’t see results right away, you think you’re not trying hard enough, so you redouble your efforts. You start to push really hard in one direction and the resistance kicks in. Basically, when you push too hard, you block everything and nothing moves. You feel stuck and frustrated. Then you push harder. And, you know what, when you push harder, it makes it even worse. What it creates is an endless vicious cycle or self-sabotage. Result – just more frustration – stress – anxiety – burnout – exhaustion – despair.
If you really want to create something, you have to give the universe space to move and do its magic. When we are busy pushing in one direction, we are imposing our rigid specifications for the result, the time scale, and how it will be produced. This is limited by our life experience and what our brain can imagine. If we impose these things in the process, it is very possible that we are closing the creation process completely! Always remember that the universe has infinite parameters to work with, infinitely more than our little human brains. What if the universe had something 10 times better in store for us, but because if it came to us by a different route, would we lose it or completely block it? If we impose our plan and insist on it, we can lose that opportunity and get nothing.
It took me a long time to learn that lesson and I admit that it is still a challenge to let go and let things flow, but I am much better than I used to be.
So here are my 4 essential steps to get out of that downward spiral and back into flow, balance, and of course results.
1) change your mindset
Creating the life we want is like growing a beautiful flower, not twisting the handle of a sausage machine. Think of yourself as a dedicated and skilled gardener. When you plant the seeds, you don’t bombard them with endless water fertilizer and keep digging them up to see if they’re still growing. You know this will kill the poor thing. When you push yourself mercilessly, this is what you are doing to yourself.
2) Assess your ‘ruthless quotient’
Stop what you are doing. Sit down. Be honest with yourself. How are you treating yourself? Are you full of self-criticism, judgment, martyrdom, self-sacrifice, nonstop drive? If so, then the truth is that you are actually crushing yourself. This is KEY.
3) The law of flourishing
This is what I call it! Do you remember those seeds that you want to grow, either in your career or in your personal life? If you want them to grow, produce flowers and flourish, you need to give them OPTIMAL CARE. Optimal care means NOT bombarding and shoving them. Optimal care is an intermittent approach. Give them what they need, then go back and allow creation to happen. Then provide what they need next, then back off again.
The same applies to your life. If you want results, set your goals, decide your initial actions, take those actions, and then RELAX. Allow those actions to take effect. Allow the universe to respond to the messages you have sent. Give it time.
When you get this, you not only magnify your results, but you also increase your well-being by releasing that pressure that you have been putting on. It is a win-win situation.
4) Prepare to RECEIVE
Change your schedule to include time out, rest, and self-care. When I say this, I mean the moment when you are not thinking about all the things that you are trying to do and create. Only when you achieve this release do you allow the time and space of the universe to create what you want.
Remember, this will feel counterintuitive! But the truth is that more effort does not give you better results. Withdrawing to receive more is the way it works.
Allow yourself to receive. This is probably one of the hardest things for most women to do. We are so used to giving, giving, giving, that we just have no idea how to let go and allow something to come to us.
Remember, you cannot make the bud open and turn into a flower. If you try to open the petals, you just destroy things. Instead, you just have to wait and let it happen without you.
The key to creating, getting the best results, and maintaining your well-being is to stop pushing. Yes, set your goals and take action, but at the same time think about relieving the pressure. Throw your desires and goals out into the universe, and then imagine that everything you need flows to you: help, resources, inspiration, opportunities, contacts, or whatever else is required. Then be open to receiving the results.
Shifting to this mindset is the best way to get lasting results and also the best way to maintain your well-being, health, and happiness.
