When you are a woman who has dreamed for years of a romantic proposal and a beautiful white wedding dress, you are sure to be disappointed when your fiancee boyfriend has cold feet. One of the most heartbreaking things any woman can say about the man she loves is that she “doesn’t know if he wants to marry me.” It hurts, frustrates, and makes you guess the whole relationship. How is it possible that he says that he absolutely adores you and that he cannot imagine his life without you and yet he is not taking any steps towards marriage? If your guy seems to be completely stuck in boyfriend mode and says he’s unsure about marriage, you really need to explain why. If you ignore this, in the hope that one day he will “regain his mind” and propose to her, you may find yourself waiting impatiently five or even ten years from now.
Before doing anything else, ask your man why he doesn’t want to marry you. However, you must be prepared for any potential response. Generally, a man with a commitment phobia will resort to saying that the idea of marriage scares him because his parents divorced or because he does not yet feel financially stable. Those are valid reasons for any man to hesitate to take a serious step toward commitment. If he confides in you why he doesn’t feel ready yet, you can work together to find a suitable compromise. You may need to talk more about the cause of your parents’ divorce so that both of you are aware of the possible triggers that may cause you to drop out after the wedding. Or it may be more a matter of talking frankly and openly about your mutual finances and how the two of you can invest in a future wedding.
If your boyfriend stumbles when it comes to answering questions about why he doesn’t want to get married, you should be concerned. Sadly, the reason some men don’t want to get married is because they don’t feel like their current girlfriend is their ideal match. It will be difficult to get your boyfriend to admit that this is the reason for his desire to keep dating rather than being engaged, but you can read between the lines to gather the information you need.
Consider how you view marriage in general. If he seems happy when a friend gets engaged and talks often about how he hopes to get married one day, you should pay attention to whether your name is ever mentioned as part of that plan. Some men will date a woman until they decide that it is time to seek a life partner. That’s when the breakup happens and just a few months later, the man in question suddenly marries someone he just met. Most of us know such a couple, and it is usually because the man or woman simply did not see their partner as marital material, so they sought out someone who was.
Giving your man an ultimatum about marriage can actually be the bane of any future the two of you may have had, married or not. If he tells you it’s marriage or the relationship is over, don’t be surprised if he says goodbye. It is much better to talk to him rationally about how he sees the future and whether or not he anticipates changing his mind about wanting to marry you. If you are sure that you want to remain her boyfriend and not her husband for years to come, then an important decision must be made. Remember that your future happiness is in your own hands, so take whatever knowledge you have of your man, weigh it against what you really want in your life, and go from there.
This is clearly a situation where you need to get your priorities in order in order to make an informed decision. Emotional circumstances like these can cloud our judgment. It is difficult to know if marriage is more important than loving it. If you want the ring, the dress, and the happily ever-after future and he won’t give in to his decision not to pursue that, consider where you want your life to be in a year or five years. The answer to what is best for you lies in looking to your own future and meeting your own personal goals, including a healthy, committed marriage to a man who sees the joy of being your better half.
