Being highly effective in a relationship requires certain qualities in a person.
Scripture instructs, as in 1 Peter 4:8, to “love each other deeply, for love covers a multitude of sins.” The Bible is full of descriptions and lessons of love, but why do people keep failing?
Dr. Norman Vincent Peale once said that relationships fail due to “selfishness” and “immaturity,” which explains why so many marriages end in divorce.
Couples tend to marry young, and before they have had a chance to get to know themselves and learn many of life’s lessons about self-esteem, love, and relationships.
During a period of twenty-seven years of therapeutic work with individuals and couples, seeing how some failed and others succeeded, a factor analysis was calculated, trying to understand what were the characteristics and behaviors, or “habits”, of people who were highly effective in their relations
These habits are patterns of behavior learned from parents, or primary caregivers, as children grow. Most people unconsciously “re-create” what they observe from others in order to replicate them as adults in their current relationships.
There are four basic garments that a person must demonstrate in order to be successful in relationships.
The first habit is Generosity.
Generous people learn and demonstrate kindness, consideration, kindness, and courtesy toward others. They also know love as an attitude, thinking about the well-being of others as Christ taught us in Matthew 19:19 “to love your neighbor as yourself”. Love is also a behavior; It’s what we do.
Generous people understand that love requires making sacrifices for others. The greatest example of this is indicated in John 3:16, when God sacrificed his son, so that we might know eternal life.
Whoever possesses the habit of generosity also knows how to forgive. They understand that letting go of hate, resentment, and anger is freedom from evil.
The second habit is Maturity.
As individuals develop over time, they become more mature as they learn to be self-aware. The lack of this characteristic prevents a person from knowing how they are affecting others.
Self-discipline is another component of maturity. An adult must be able to meet the demands of reality in order to function at its highest level, as well as to meet the expectations of those who depend on him.
In a healthy relationship, a mature person will also take responsibility for their own actions. The initial response a person gives in any given situation is to ask “what did I do to contribute to this problem?”
Mature people are patient people. They understand that the ability to suffer from delayed gratification is knowing the true purpose of time, and that is, that it doesn’t have to happen all at once.
The third habit is trust.
Having faith in others and being trustworthy is an essential element of a healthy relationship.
A person must not only trust himself, but be insightful in order to know how to trust others. The most important thing is that having faith in God allows us to be comfortable living in this world. Psalm 28:7-8 suggests that trusting in the Lord brings peace to the heart.
Trust not only requires communication, but requires a specific type of communication. It must be regular in frequency, effective in its clarity and conciseness, as well as honest. Do not withhold information that someone else would like to know, and do not give false testimony.
Furthermore, trust requires reliability. People need to know that they can trust you. Be consistent. Do what you say you are going to do and stay where you say you are going to be.
The fourth habit is empathy.
There are two types of empathy. Cognitive empathy allows you to visualize what someone else is saying or experiencing, and leads to a greater understanding of another person. Emotional empathy allows you to feel what someone is feeling.
What happens in a relationship should be guided by understanding and feeling what others are experiencing, helping you connect in such a way that you don’t hurt the other person.
The key to being highly effective in relationships is developing healthy habits of being generous and mature in your approach to others, as well as being dependable and trustworthy. Your connection with others will be stronger by being able to empathize with another person’s feelings and understand their point of view.
When these habits are formed and consistently become part of your character, you will undoubtedly be highly effective in all your relationships, whether at home, work, or at church.
