So your wife wants space and you don’t know what to do. This may seem to you to be irreconcilable with the fact that the two of you are married. After all, if you’re married, you’re supposed to live together, forever, right? Maybe it surprised you, but it really isn’t. It happens in so many marriages, to so many husbands and wives. This does not mean the end of your marriage. In fact, the fact that your wife asked for space means that your marriage will be built on stronger foundations.
The worst thing you can do about it right now is attribute the fact that your wife wants space to something unique, like a fight the two of you have recently had. Or irrelevant things like financial problems that bother her, etc. This is the time to act, not the time to close your eyes and pretend you aren’t seeing anything. This is the time to tackle the problem, not ignore it.
So when your wife wants space, the best thing you can do first is just listen to what she means by that and, more importantly, what has caused this desire for more alone time. There is one thing to keep in mind during this conversation. The purpose of this conversation is to fully understand what your wife is going through. Your purpose is not to discuss everything to the point and try to sort everything out and live happily even afterward. So whatever she says she feels, never get defensive (or offensive) about anything. This conversation is for you to understand what your wife’s desire for space means.
Most of the time, “your wife wants space” means that “your wife is feeling suffocated and wants some alone time.” Let her know that you understand her and that you are more than willing to give her what she needs, but that you don’t think the two of you should part. Most of the time you will not talk about (or even think about) a divorce. But if he does, tell him there is no point in getting divorced blindly. Instead, tell her that the two of you should go on a trial separation, and if she likes how her life is when she is alone during this trial time, she can go through with the divorce.
But there is nothing to worry about: during a trial separation, you will come to understand that you really appreciate everything you gave him during the marriage. If she doesn’t have a chance to miss you, she won’t have a chance to appreciate you; because it is the lack of things that usually makes us appreciate them. When your wife wants space, this is a very important point to keep in mind.
