Shame is a primary painful feeling and a bodily sense of not being good enough, falling short, experiencing humiliation. Most of us carry some shame. Shame is a basic emotion that begins early in life. Some children are continually embarrassed by their parents. The child who is often embarrassed and humiliated feels helpless and useless inside. He wants to disappear into the carpentry and hide from everyone. When we see a child who has been severely embarrassed, his eyes turn downward. Can’t meet our gaze It feels so small that you wish you didn’t exist. Feelings of shame block positive human experiences like joy, humor, and hope. Extreme shame can prevent a person from developing close relationships with others and enjoying life itself.
The narcissist has the opposite problem. He or she is shameless. There is nothing to interrupt the narcissist’s bold and persistent movements to get and have what he wants. The narcissist does not see red or amber lights ahead that cause him to stop or slow down. It moves at full speed towards its target. Whether it is a lucrative business deal or a potential romantic partner or spouse, the narcissist thrusts forward with an extreme right to himself, feelings of superiority, and an iron will that cannot be deterred. Besides his shamelessness, the narcissist never developed much awareness. Usually you will tow the line legally because getting caught is not an option. He cares deeply about his polished image, which is why he is motivated to remain publicly discreet about his unscrupulous dealings.
Narcissists become particularly shameless during a divorce. They accuse the other spouse of neglecting the children when the opposite occurs. They hide their assets long before formal divorce proceedings begin. They lie about their net worth so they don’t have to part with alimony or child support. Some narcissists, both male and female, abandon their families entirely and start a new life with more attractive, adoring, and accommodating partners. Leaving the former spouse and children in a state of financial and psychological chaos is of no importance to them. Many narcissists repeat these egregious behavior patterns throughout their lives without shame or regret.
Narcissists often escalate their cheeky behaviors. After all, the high-functioning narcissist is treated with extreme flattery and praise. He is surrounded by a loyal group of admirers who give him a continuous cascade of compliments and special treatment. As they glide through life, many narcissists grow more ruthless as they seek more. They are never satisfied with what they have. The hunger begins again and they seek a higher mountain of material generosity and self-aggrandizement. As their heinous cruelties multiply, narcissists grow even more shameless. His sheer arrogance and feelings of divine power cannot be overstated.
